Having a child is a major lifestyle realignment that can be very stressful. Here is some advice on how to make the transition smooth for both parents and how to be the best you can be in your new role as a parent.

Parenthood is a life decision.
Recognize that you may be resistant to giving in to the changes that occur with parenthood. Embrace the challenges instead of resisting them.

Make a shift in priorities.
It's not just about you anymore. You have a powerful role as a parent in your child's life. Make a life decision that your child is going to have a parent who is plugged in.

It is important that a child has both parents in his/her life.
Each parent plays an important role in the child's development. Although mothers tend to be the primary parent in a child's life, fathers need to expand their definition of success as a man to include what kind of father they are and what kind of connection they have with their children. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, "The mere presence of a father is far less important than the nature of his involvement with his children. When fathers play a visible and nurturing role in their children's lives, the children have better emotional and social outcomes and are more likely to have stronger coping and adaptation skills, be better equipped to solve problems, stay in school longer, have longer-lasting relationships and have a higher work productivity."

The most powerful role model in a child's life is the same-sex parent.
It is imperative that this parent has a strong, positive presence in the child's life. A child's personality is largely formed by the age of 5. The early years are very critical because the child is looking to the same-sex parent and modeling him/her. The child picks up voice intonation, as well as whether the parent really values time together. Whether the child feels special or not comes from both parents but especially the same-sex parent.

Life is about choices.
Weigh all the costs. When you make a choice, there are costs in other places. If you choose to make your home life a priority, then there may be sacrifices professionally and socially. Likewise, if you choose to spend most of your time at work, your home life may suffer. Children are demanding. If protecting your home life means you can't work 70 hours a week, then you may need to make changes.

Don't bring baggage into your current life.
No matter how legitimate your pain may be from a prior situation, don't carry those bags into your current lifestyle. Heal those painful feelings and get closure on it, or you will contaminate your current life.

Make emotional deposits.
People are like bank accounts. If all we ever do is make withdrawals, we'll wind up emotionally bankrupt. You can't give away what you do not have. If you're not emotionally available to your child, you're cheating him/her. Make taking care of yourself a gift to your child.

Children mirror what they are exposed to.
If they are exposed to stress, tension, frustration, or anger, they will mirror that behaviorally as well as internally. They reflect what they experience.

Make a priority to nurture your relationship as husband and wife.
Leave the children with a babysitter for an evening and spend some time together. The greatest gift you can give your child is to nurture the relationship with his/her parents.

Decompress.
Taking care of a child as well as other duties, such as caring for the household, can be exhausting. If you sense your spouse is frustrated, stressed or tired, treat him/her to a day off while you take care of the children.

Do you need alternatives on how to get through to your children? Are you at the end of your rope? Here are steps to discipline your children— without spanking.

1. Commit Yourself.
It's crucial that your child knows that you're going to do what you say you will. If you explain what a punishment will be, and then don't act on it, you will have less credibility the next time. Make a commitment to your child's discipline, and be consistent in your behavior toward them.

2. Be Realistic in Your Expectations of Your Child.
Don't ask your child to do anything he/she cannot do. Make sure that what you are asking of your child is a behavior within his or her reach — if it's not, your child will get frustrated and be less likely to listen to you in the future.

3. Define Your Child's Currency.
Find out what your child values — it could be a toy, a particular activity, or even a privilege like getting to stay awake to a particular hour. Dr Phil explains: "If you control the currency, you control the behavior that currency depends on." Once you understand what your child values, you can withdraw positive things (taking away the toy) or introduce negative things (making them take a time-out) as a form of discipline.

4. Give Your Children Predictable Consequences.
It's important for your child to understand that the same result will come from the same behavior. Make your child feel like he/she has control over their life: If your child behaves in "Way A," they need to be sure that they will always get "Consequence B." If he/she can count on the rules staying the same, they're more likely to abide by them.

5. Use Child-Level Logic.
Explain your values in terms your child can understand. Take the time to explain the reasons behind why you are asking he/she to behave in certain ways — if your child understands the kinds of behavior you'd like them to avoid, they're more likely to apply that reasoning to different situations, instead of learning to stop one behavior at a time.

The disciplining techniques parents use should be based on age-appropriate expectations. For example, explaining to a 13-month-old why she is being punished for hitting her sibling isn't going to get you very far if she can't yet understand reasoning. Using guidelines outlined by the American Academy of Family Physicians,we recommend these discipline techniques and when they are effective to use.

• Positive Reinforcement
  Focusing on good behavior instead of bad behavior. Parental attention is one of the most powerful forms of positive reinforcement.
  
  
• Redirecting
  This technique literally involves the simple act of redirecting your child to appropriate behavior.
  
  
• Verbal Instruction/Explanation
  Going over what you want your child to do and why can help him/her develop good judgment.
  
  
• Time-outs
  Time-outs involve physically removing your child from a problem situation. Sending your child to a neutral and "boring" area, such as the corner of a room with no toys or television, and ignoring him/her until he/she is calm and quiet. Time-outs should not last longer than five minutes. One minute of time-out per year of life is a good rule of thumb.
  
  
• Establishing Rules
  Explain your rules and be prepared to repeat them until your child learns to follow them on his/her own.
  
  
• Grounding
  A technique effective with school-age children and teenagers, it involves restricting your child to a certain place, usually home or his/her room, as punishment. For example, "grounding" your child on a Saturday night as punishment for breaking curfew on Friday night.
  
  
• Withholding Privileges
  Children should learn that privileges come with responsibility and they need to be earned. In order to be effective, this technique should be used infrequently. A privilege that is valued by the child, such as watching television or playing with friends, should be removed.
  
  

• Short phrases.
  
• Tons of repetition.
  
• A passionate tone of voice.
  
• Lots of exaggerated facial expressions and body gestures (like big smiles, frowns and vigorous pointing).
  
  Parents do this already when a child is happy, they're way over the top. But when kids are upset, parents try to be calm and logical. Parents need to be over the top whether the child is happy or upset.
  
  Follow the Fast-Food Rule . This rule is simple: When your child is upset, you should take a lesson from the order-takers at a burger joint — always repeat back his "order" (what he wants) before you tell him your "price" (what you want). Toddlers who are in the middle of a meltdown are incapable of hearing our message (our reasons, reassurance, distraction or warning) until they're sure we understand and respect their message. So when your tot is upset, before you mention your ideas, take a minute to sincerely describe what he's doing and how you think he feels.
  
  When using Toddler-ese and the Fast-Food Rule, children are much more reasonable because they feel respected and heard. Otherwise, they don't think we understand them.
  
  Here's an example. Your bored 15-months-old child toddles over to the front door, bangs on it and screeches to go to the yard. Whether you intend to go out or not, the first thing you should do is reflect his message by energetically and lovingly saying, "Out! Out! Out!! You say, 'Go, Mommy, go, GO!!!'" Once your son calms a little, then you can go out with him or offer some options or a distraction.
  
  If your child is screaming because you took away the lipstick he was using as a crayon, passionately echo his feelings by saying, "You want! YOU want!!! You want it nowwww!! You want! YOU want!! You want it nowwww!!" Notice the repetition, the short phrasing, and the way the sentence builds up to the final emphasized word. You should be energetic, but never shouting.
  
  Don't be surprised if it takes four or five repetitions before you even begin to get your little buddy's attention! You'll know you're making progress when he suddenly looks up, as if he's thinking, What? Did you say sumptin'? But don't stop then. When he's really upset, you may need to repeat his feelings another five to 10 times before he realizes that you really "get it" and that you're on his side.
  
  For more information about Dr. Karp go to www.thehappiestbaby.com.

Today's adults are often required to wear many hats -- breadwinner... parent... and caretaker for elderly parents. It can be overbearing, and I can help you to balance those responsibilities with your desire to fulfill your own needs.